Things not to say

When you first meet your fiancés mum:

1. COME OUT OF HER, FOUL SPIRIT
   
2. What nice false teeth you have
   

When you have an audience with the Pope:

1. Avoid any word beginning with 'F' in case Mr Tourette smashes you on the head with the ill fated tongue slip hammer
   

When you go for an interview at a Bible college:

1. That your motto is "if anything can be stuffed in a pipe, I'll smoke it"

By the way, my previous post was number 1,111 - interestingly the same number of words Zwingli could say in one belch (he was the world champion at the time, even preached whole sermons in one long burp - at least this is what his congregation believed was happening)